Is that me in the spotlight?

There are only 2 things that scare me.

The first thing is this article. It’s the publicity juggernaut that I despise because it calls people to look at me and only me. It’s not like I’m part of a group or a band or an ensemble with a brand name and a product that I can hide behind. I am forced to face up to the realisation that people will come just to see my work, my soul, and make judgements and recommendations and condemnations. I am not scared of what they will say but I am scared that ‘Self [other]’ will not be recognised and understood for what I recognise and understand it to be. I am scared to put myself forward.

I have always been scared to be in the spotlight. When I was very small I was a sheep in a school nativity play. Dad was in the audience and he clearly remembers whispering the word ‘hello’ and waving which unfortunately caused me to run off stage crying. I am scared that on September 9th my stage fright will get the better of me. I’m scared that all it will take is one person to say ‘hello’ and I’ll run off to the nearest pub. Maybe that’s not a bad thing after all…

Oh and just in case you’re wondering; the second thing that scares me is moths.


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