Digging Deep

Response 1.4.5
This last collage has been mentally very difficult. And I think I am right in saying this is the last one of this species. I found it hard to revisit this collage after achieving such success yesterday with Response 1.4.4. After something works so well why revisit it and try again? Response 1.4.5 need not have been made. It is full of errors adding nothing new to the series that hasn’t been seen or discussed before. Every rip and cut seemed to be a struggle and every placement of a piece seemed to go wrong. As a singular work this is not apparent, but viewed as part of a series of images the differences are immense. 
When I start badly I find it hard to care. I haven’t always got the mental strength to rescue the work and instead I hear a little sadistic voice in my head urging me to cover my mistakes by mutating the work into something else entirely. It’s hard not to give in to such ‘mutation’ fantasies and stick with trying to be faithful to the parent collage, despite knowing that the finished result will ultimately fail in being a reproduction of the parent.
I have always said I find it hard to revisit past work. Through the series it seems as though I’m forcing myself to revisit such work over and over again in order to become some sort of bad forgery expert with a Darwin complex. I have my reasons for such madness. I want to show this entire series with all its flaws and errors because my ethos has always been to challenge my comfort zone and to expose my weaknesses (rather than hide them) through my collage work.
I noticed a long time back that many photographers strive for physical perfection in their work through their glossy printed images framed in dust free environments. My love for collage started as a reaction against this ‘perfect’ world. Life isn’t perfect, it’s deeply flawed and full of disappointments. We are not carbon-copy people living shiny happy lives. I am not perfect, my work is not perfect, and so mentally I will continue to dig deep and carry on showing you my mistakes.

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