I’ve been suffering some pretty bad nightmares recently. I’m not sure what has triggered them but I really am not enjoying the black fog that fills my head for the morning after one of these dark adventures.
Last night revisited a particularly bad part of my past, from about a decade ago, where I was in a job trying to meet impossible and unrealistic targets. I used to suffer from nightmares regularly as a fall out from that experience. Usually these dreams would take the theme of loss or inadequacy with added levels of bullying from management figures. I’d been free from those terrors for about a year up until last night. As a result I’ve felt out of sorts all morning yet also quite relieved that physically I’m in a totally different space and in a totally different time-frame now.
Today, as a freelance, I can always say no to things without fear of consequences or repercussions. I can agree to workloads that I know are manageable. If I take on extra then it is only because I know that I can push myself to achieve them. I am in control of my own goals and my own destiny. My conscience is my own to be given freely rather than manipulated. Thankfully my art can help me deal with the fall out and I have been able to shake off the fear of last night’s experience by burying it into this dark corner of my Beaded Lace artwork.
I’ve worked it through and hopefully will sleep better tonight. Every bad experience in life that I survive simply gives me proof that I have the strength to conquer more bad experiences should they arise. What hasn’t killed me can, and will, make me stronger.