Lost in Time

I have a real problem keeping time. My internal clock can register a day but it really struggles to keep track of things like weeks and years. I cannot tell you how many years it has been since key world events and if anyone asks me to work out how long it has been since 1984 for example I’m often off by a decade. In my head I have no ability to place key events from 2000 to 2010. I know things happened during that decade but I cannot locate a reference point in my head to tell you what year it occurred.

I have a similar problem at a local level. I know it is Wednesday but I really have to think hard about how many days it has been since I met with friends. Usually I cheat with such things and look at my diary. My diary also tells me what’s coming up so that I have a chance of making sure I’m where I should be and when I should be. To outsiders this makes me appear obsessive and organised when they see me consult my diary all the time but this really isn’t the case. It is simply that I am absolutely lost in time and have found a handy coping strategy to keep me in touch with the world.

This dislocation from events has only been occurring in the last decade or so (I think). Five years ago I got rid of my TV and also went self-employed. These decisions mean I often lose reference as to what is going on. I hear no pointless office gossip or have co-workers who keep regular habits, and I also have very few popular cultural references to ground me. This cultural deprivation and the lack of externally imposed work routine means time simply slips away from me.

I don’t think it helps that I work as such a prolific rate. I’m not very good at stopping and taking stock of things because to me three days feels the same as three months. My boredom threshold is so low, and my hyperactivity so high, that after an hour I’m itching to get started at something new. I live very much in the now rather than in the past because it is the only point of reference that I stand a chance of understanding. I make lists of how to approach the future and get confused very easily if plans change. I reckon I’m too young for Dementia so I wholeheartedly blame my Aspergers instead.

I started this blog to try and allow myself to reflect on my art. This helps to affirm that I have done stuff and am progressing in a satisfactorily work related way. It works as a database of my creative processes for others as well as acting as an external memory for myself. I have absolutely no idea how long it has been since I completed my Beaded Lace artwork. I’m guessing days but it could be weeks. I guess I’d better put ‘Read through Recent Posts’ on my list of things to do.

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