Being Scared is a Natural Thing

I’m reaching the final part of this collage. This is it and it’s all or nothing. I’ve been dreading this moment since the time I conceived Helen almost eight weeks ago. Everything I have created up to this point has gone exactly according to plan with every outcome being perfect in every way. In making Helen I have encountered no stumbling blocks and no frustrations. Yes there have been a few nervous moments but I knew deep in my soul that it would be ok.

Until now.

I’m holding a hypodermic syringe full of acrylic bonding glue. I’ve never used this glue before or applied glue in this way. I’m petrified of air bubbles and of failure. I don’t know how long I have to work with this glue until it sets; I don’t know its behaviour at all and this scares me. What if I mess up at this final stage? Helen must be secured between two 42cm x 42cm finely polished sheets of acrylic in order to be safe and secure. But what if I mess up completely with this unknown glue? I’m petrified of making a wrong move.

I’ve already practiced on a few smaller pieces of acrylic with this new glue and I really am not comfortable at all with the results. Helen has to be perfect. Helen is perfect and I am possibly about to end all of that through inexperience and doubt. Am I really about to piss all over the legend of Helen‘s infallible beauty through a few rookie errors?

Being scared is a natural thing but I cannot escape the situation before me. The top sheet of acrylic must be laid, it must be glued, it must be done today, and I am the only person who can do this. Time to dig deep and be very brave.

“So must we learn in world made as this one
Man can never attain his greatest desire,
[But must pray for what good fortune Fate holdeth,
Never unmindful.]”     –Sappho Lobel-Page 16 / Diehl 27a 27b / Cox 3 / Voigt 16


‘Helen’ 42cm x 42cm (16″ x 16″) paper collage mounted on 15mm thick clear acrylic


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