This job sucks. I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going.

When my confidence is heading in a downward direction like this I have only two options: fight on or give up. If I give up and give in then I’d never get out of bed and never get anywhere. This is not an option.

But then if I fight on then what do I fight with? Today I have no co-workers to support me and no-one to kick against. I have zero energy and nobody to pick me up.

I get results because I drive myself relentlessly forward. Perhaps I’m driving myself too hard? Where am I driving myself to? I need to have a period of self-reflection to sort myself out but I must not let this develop into self-pity.

Some days I just can’t do this; I don’t see the point in any of it anymore. I tell myself that this will pass and I will be able to do this again another day. I tell myself to relax and not panic about this. I tell myself to have a cup of tea and a movie and wait. The world will keep turning. It will all be ok soon.



4 thoughts on “Where…

  1. Recently, I latched onto a few things that I saw as helpful in walking a new path that is foreign to me. One of them is reading your blog every day. The honesty, humor, and passion you manage to articulate each day emboldens me. Your art blows my mind and I find it immensely satisfying each time you mention another show and another country that is embracing your work. So, today seems like a good day to say so.

  2. Thanks for the support. It’s always tricky to keep the momentum up so your comments have definitely helped today. It’s a big week for me with stuff happening in Bath and London so by trying not to burn out I think I might have accidentally burned out! Ha!

    Your support really counts though. Thank you again for lifting my day.

  3. It’s bloody hard to keep going. I sometimes wonder if we artists have a screw loose, seriously. I think it may be like an obsessive compulsive disorder. I get like it at 4 in the morning, which is round about now 😡

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