Growth and Optimism

After a traumatic event it’s not easy to be optimistic. Today’s group at the Dylan Thomas Centre were encouraged to examine their own personal growth and also look for potential in their surroundings. A sunny spring day is the perfect setting for optimism and growth but even without the sunshine there’s plenty of meaning that can be drawn from any surrounding. Here we looked at doorways and contrasts between old and new architecture as metaphors for how we were feeling.

This project is a ten week course run for the Traumatic Brain Injury Srvice and held at the Dylan Thomas Centre. Its primary focus is on using photography in a therapeutic way to examine personal growth, positivity, and to develop self-esteem. Already the results and the philosophy behind participants’ photographs are showing the potential of what they are capable of. It will be really exciting to see what this class produce as the technical and personal skills of this class advance over the coming weeks. More results next Wednesday!

Teresa

Laura

Cath

Gill

Teresa

Sharon

Sharon

Emma

Gill

Emma

Laura

Delyth

Lee

Delyth

Cath

Anne

Anne

Why Create?

I create because I have to. Creating keeps me sane. Every minute spent creating is a step to something beautiful in the face of adversity. I can lose myself in making positive things happen rather than dwelling on the negative. By creating I achieve something better which can be enjoyed by more than just me.

By creating I am bringing something into the world to nurture and build and grow. I can focus on the now and stay in the present. I can wash away the world outside and concentrate only on releasing the good things from within. I can meditate on the finer details and know that every little bit counts towards a better, bigger picture.

I create because it empowers me to achieve. It increases my happiness as well as the happiness of those around me. I create because it is in my nature to create. It is in my soul and I do not know, or want to know, anything else.

Limbo

I’m waiting.

I’ve been waiting for several days now. I’m trapped in a limbo between projects, between work, between… things.

I don’t have enough time to sit down and read a book or watch a film and yet I have too much time on my hands. I should be relaxing but I can’t. I’m stuck between phases. Unable to move forward and yet unable to look back.

I’m stagnating.

I stare at the usual mantras written above my desk and the words make no sense any more. The hours tick by and I can’t seem to break the paralysis.

Happiness should arrive by the weekend. If it doesn’t I’m going to have to move onto Plan B. Right now though I have no idea whatsoever as to what that plan could be.

Fighting For Every Inch

I’ve been keeping my promise from yesterday. Some days it is harder to maintain the self-belief that I need in order to be me. Other days I keep going because I know the larger picture is one worth pursuing. The self-confidence has never been there. I live from one eureka moment to the next hoping that each temporary boost can push me through the lower phases in my mood.

I remember in university one of my lecturers asked me, “Do you always get what you want?” to which I replied, “Almost never. I have to fight for it every inch of the way.” I think he believed that my determination was part of some egotistical drive; some excessive selfishness threatening to trample over others. This is a common mistake lots of people make when they don’t know me very well. I am actually a very generous and dilligent person who shares as much as I can, wherever I can. If I am pushy it is because I can see the overall direction that something needs to head in order to benefit everybody. I can see the logistics and the publicity to make everyone a winner. I am happy to be wrong. I am happy to back down even if I know I am right. Compromise is always there when it needs to be.

My nihilistic attitude comes from throwing myself headlong at my lack of self-belief rather than giving it the chance to destroy me. My ambition and drive are actually working against the natural flow of my ego. I’m always feeling that I’m swimming against the tide rather than with it. I am so convinced that I am going to slip backwards that I plan for every eventuality and work twice as hard to make sure the worst doesn’t happen.

My creativity gives my brain something other to dwell on in an attempt to build positivity rather than be lost in negativity. I cannot fail and I will not fall. I will push through regardless.

‘Eiscape’ detail of 12″ x 12″ work in progress in collaboration with Ben Honebone

Harnessing the Inner Grrrrr

It’s been a difficult week. All sorts of terrible news on top of an almost impossible workload. I’m swimming fast against the current and being angry is the only way I can give myself the energy to keep going.

Outwardly my paid work requires me to me very patient, calm, and full of positive energy. This means any stress or impatience has to be instantly suppressed and cannot be allowed to rise to the surface.

It’s unhealthy to keep stress buried. This negative energy and emotion needs an outlet.  If I’m short of physical energy and I’ve run out of calories then a temporary fix is to harness my Inner Grrrrr; use the adrenaline of the inward anger to fuel the outward positivity. Thank goodness it’s nearly the weekend and I can finally let it all go…

Calm thoughts…. calm thoughts… just one more day…

Feeding the Nihilist

I’m inching my way across this latest piece but I’m really not feeling it. Usually my work is a way to reflect positively about myself and boost my self-esteem. This piece is just dragging me down and making me reluctant to continue. I don’t like being in this state of mind. If I don’t like what I see then how can I reconcile negative feelings and replace them with positive ones?

Some artists outpour their negativity to leave themselves feeling positive. I can’t do this. I have to create positivity to feed the positivity within me.

By working on this collage I’m simply feeding the nihilist inside me. I don’t know how I can continue but equally I don’t feel that I can give up and let the nihilist win. Perhaps I’m going about this in the wrong way and I need to step back and take a look at the wider picture.

Or even better, step away completely and work on something different for a while so that I have the mental tools to beat this.

Rainbows and Sunshine

It’s been a very long 12 hours involving a whole heap of things sent to test my patience. It has involved emergency plumbers, train rides, wheelchairs, and floods. Far too many things to go into here. To cut a long story short, my shoulders ache and my WC is still not working. Needless to say I’ve made very little progress with anything today.

This doesn’t bother me. The sun is shining and there are rainbows round every corner. A deep breath and a look up into the beautiful sky is all I need to tell me that life’s ok.